Conspiratorial Thoughts

"the wise men came
three made their way
to shower him with love while he lay in the hay"
-Dave Matthews, "Christmas Song"

Our Sunday School class is doing (studying?) Advent Conspiracy this year. Here is the video they've been showing in our church service to promote it, which is actually a good introduction to it.



Sharon and I were talking about this, and I mentioned that I want to support this, but I'm afraid people will get the wrong message. For the record, I think the video above and the website get the message exactly right. But it's hard to explain their message without the potential to have it misunderstood.

The right message is that Christmas isn't about consumerism.

The wrong message is that Christmas isn't about gifts.

Let me explain, because if you've read this blog before you know Christmas is not only my favorite holiday but that I think the Incarnation is both the most amazing and most misunderstood idea in all of Christendom.

The Incarnation is God in the flesh. The idea is so outrageous that our closest religious cousins (Islam and Judaism) consider it blasphemy and more recent variations (like Baha'i and Mormonism) dilute it or shift it. But it's not just a side issue: it is bedrock to our faith. Without incarnation God is distant forever. In it, He not only voluntarily becomes like us, but He brings us to Him by His actions once incarnate. How does He do this? He gives himself.

Christmas is all about giving, and celebrating being given. I think it is a great idea to give of yourself at Christmas: recklessly, extravagantly. We have been given a huge gift - it's time to party.

I can see people hearing about this and thinking "oh yeah, I shouldn't spend so much money and give it to the poor instead." Your answer is in John 12:3, but I'll interpret here: we all know "that person" who donated money to the whales instead of buying you a present. This isn't like that. If they did it because they know you want to save the whales, then they've shown you love but otherwise they're still missing the point. Christmas isn't about helping the poor.

The problem also isn't that we're consumers (or rather, that's not the main problem). The problem is we don't understand gifts. We use our gifts to build up ourselves in some way. We worry about what to get the person who already has much more than we do. We worry about the asymmetry of giving something to someone who has much less than we do but is otherwise our peer. We feel pressured to value our relationships monetarily - to have our gift somehow reflect the value of the person in our eyes - so that if we don't spend enough we haven't shown enough love.

The point here is to give gifts and give the best ones. Give of yourself and your time to those who you have relationship with, give of your money to those who need it most, give of your service to those you can help. Give. Give. Give.

Some of you are exhausted. You give all the time. You have nothing left. Some of you are broke or out of a job or sick. This is not for you. God didn't give what he didn't have.

But, what Jesus did have, He gave. And what He couldn't give (His equality with God) He set aside in order to better give. He emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant. That's humanity: the form of a servant.

Yes, don't buy the sweater she won't like - do something else. Say something else. Even buy something else. But don't be afraid to buy the sweater she will like if you're doing it to show love. Show her/him/them love. Love. Love. Love.

Shower them with love while He lays in the hay.

Voyage

"oh Mover of me, may I always submit unto Thee
oh Mover of me, may I always depend on Thee
You don't move men like stones but endue them with life
that they may be free to be moved by Thee."
-Christine Dente, Voyage, "The Mover"

That's right, everybody. There's a new Christine Dente album. Go to their website right now. Plunk down your hard earned $15. Yes, it's a preorder. Yes, I've heard exactly one snippet of one song (you can hear it on her webpage). Yes, Sharon and I are going a little crazy. Go there now! Buy the album!

Abandon

"I'm like Thomas doubting
fingers routing the scars in Your wrists and side
touching flesh will make my mind believe
I want to be like David
throwing clothes to the wind
to dance a jig in my skin
and be remade by Your cleansing again
I give you myself
it's all that I have
broken and frail
I'm clay in Your hands
and I'm spinning unconcealed
dizzy on this wheel
for You, my love" -Sixpence None the Richer, Dizzy

My mom and dad have been here visiting - I just took dad back to the airport this morning, but mom is with us until next Tuesday. This is both blessing and curse; I love having them here, but Asher gets lots of attention from his grandparents. When they leave we have to go through a detox where he gets used to reasonable amounts of attention again, instead of 24/7 all the time happy fun whatever you want.

Dad and I talked a lot on the way to PIT (his flight was at 7:10 AM) so I've been extra introspective today. I'm hoping to get some time this week to process some of the stuff we talked about, and maybe I'll have something fun to say later on.

Go buy Divine Discontent if you don't own it already. Also, if anybody wants to make some music suggestions, I'm all ears. I'm noticing that most of the music I quote on this blog is 7-15 years old, so pony up, people!

Want Not

"digging deep I guess I say
is more pridefulness of that day
in truth I know that it is clear
I was distant, God is near"
-Poor Old Lu, Digging Deep

I've heard other people say it dozens of times, but you really can learn so much from children. Asher (most of the time) is still just honest and open, even when he's disobeying or in trouble.

Consider the following exchange:

(Asher is at the bottom of the stairs holding a Pringles can. I'm in one of the upstairs bedrooms talking to Sharon.)

Asher: Daddy, can I have a chip?
me: Sure, Asher. But I only want you eat one. We have supper soon.
Asher: Okay.

(A few minutes pass, and then I come out and start downstairs. Asher has a chip in each hand, so many in his mouth he can't swallow, and chip pieces all around him on the stairs.)

me: Asher, how many chips did you eat?
Asher: I don't know daddy. I wasn't counting.
me: Asher, daddy told you that you could have one.
Asher: Oooooh. I ate MANY more than one!

Recently I was a chaperone for Asher's preschool trip to a local orchard. We didn't get to go apple picking like we used to over near Chicago: Asher got to pick exactly one apple and he didn't even get to eat it. But it was fun to watch him interact with the other kids, and get to spy on him learning about becoming friends.

Some pictures:

Here are the other pictures, since I know most of you are really here for little bit (the first one is self labeled in the picture, in case you didn't know what you were looking at):

More pictures are available (as always, I don't post every one here) at our PicasaWeb page.

I know the original meaning of the song I quoted at the start is about sharing the Gospel, but I'm mostly reflecting on the goodness of my life and my happiness with my family - wife and sons. Being redeemed makes everything else so very sweet, and it seemed nice to be happy with all I've been given. I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader to work out why these two blog posts go together.

But, I confess a slight retraction from the idea: one reason we haven't posted pictures for a while is I haven't taken very many - because my 5 year old Nikon D70 (I bought one of the first) is broken. The card reader is giving me the dreaded CHA error (pronounce it "sha", picture yourself in the 80s, and have fun with my camera dissing me.) Since I don't have a place close by to have it looked at (and some Nikon repairs shops can't seem to fix it) I'm gonna try to follow Stephan Mantler's directions to try to fix it. So, technically, although I feel content, I do still want - a least a little.

UPDATE: I just finished reassembling the D70, and it works great. None of the pins were bent or damaged, so I think the ribbon cable on the bottom of the camera must have come loose, and I fixed that while reassembling. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land!

Waste Not

"For who repents not cannot be absolved,
Nor can one both repent and will at once,
Because of the contradiction which consents not." -Dante

Sharon's at a baby shower with Micah (for Micah) and Asher is watching Dora (also known as the abomination that causes desolation) so I just wanted to let people know that we are still here and okay. Sharon and I are both sick. Sharon, in particular, is on two different antibiotics, so poor Micah's digestion is just all off, so he's having trouble getting to sleep.

Also, I just wanted to encourage every one. Some of you reading this blog talk to us more than others, so I know what is weighing you down. But even for those who don't, be at ease today. You are loved and special and imago Deo, and for those who have been part of our lives, we love and miss you. I was reminded this week (especially this morning) that as beings of flesh our attitude is shaped more by the immediate than the eternal, more by the urgent than the important, more by presence than transcendence. Stop for a few minutes and thank God for those who are knitted together with you in life, and let them know you have.

Saying Goodbye

"starting over ain't no big deal
they rebuilt Rome
and life goes on." -Pray for Rain

Many of you know I've been playing World of Warcraft this year. I started in February to have an online game to play with Levi and Noah. This post is sorta about that, so if you don't care (and there's no particular reason you should) feel free to skip this one. I'm not gonna explain much, so just hang on for the ride if you read it anyway.

They were way ahead of me in levels, so I spent a fair amount of time playing it trying to level up quickly and in a few months I caught up. They needed a healer, and back when I worked a UofC a guy named Dave on the support line played (way back in original WOW... tier 2 was released while I was working there) and he healed with a priest, so I decided to roll a priest. It was an okay game - not the best I've ever played but pretty well executed, and with my slightly addictive personality, I kept spending time on it even after I caught them. Then I got to the level cap, and suddenly the game got fun. I'm certainly no master, but the great part of WOW is when you play in a group and all work together, and playing a healer you really get a sense of the interaction between all the components in a good group.

After another month or two (sometime this summer) I had gotten enough gear and stuff to run heroics, and the game just got more fun! I had been in a "guild" with Levi and Noah, mostly so we could trade stuff and I could keep track of them when they were offline, but it occured to me that I could join a casual guild and get more social interaction and play 10/25-man content. If Levi or Noah logged on I could still see them, but they seemed to have left the game for a while. So one day I was playing in a pick-up group, and I decided to quit Noah's guild and see what happened. Before I got to the end of the run another guy in the group asked me to join his. It was exactly the kind of group I'd hoped to find..

I didn't realize this at the time, but the game became a reasonably important social outlet for me, especially after I got a headset and started talking to people in game. I never really became crazy addicted or anything, but it was nice having some friends who gamed, even if that's all I mostly knew about them.

The part I really enjoyed about this interaction was that they needed me to be good, and I got reasonably good. I never got to play much of the 10/25-man content, because the guild wasn't really organized that way, but it didn't matter: I enjoyed healing a lot. I enjoyed getting to see the personalities of these people come out in their play, and I liked enabling them (and others) to achieve things they really needed a good healer to do. And frankly I liked being that guy.

There are many things about being a father no one prepares you for. One of those happened today. Some of us were in 25-man Onyxia, and I was probably healer 2 or 3 out of 6 or 7. It was a good group: all but 2 or 3 really knew what they were doing. Those 2 or 3 were making it hard, and we weren't that coordinated, but we'd had two good attempts, and it seemed likely to me we'd down her on the third. Asher was watching over my shoulder (he likes seeing daddy help fight dragons) and I was pumped. Then, in phase 3, with all the other healers dead but with Onyxia down to 10% Micah started screaming. He'd been asleep, but I was on duty with both of the boys, and thankfully I did (without thinking about it) what I hope any good father would do; I stopped spamming heals and walked over and took Micah out of his papasan. I then turned around and watched as the main tank, who was doing a great job, got absolutely eviscerated without any healing. And it hurt.

It was then I realized I have to stop playing. It's not because it's making me a bad husband or father. It's because I can't stand letting people down who depend on me. I am able to let them down - I think I mostly have my priorities in the right place - but it's no fun putting yourself in a place for people to depend on you only to walk away.

Now, in real life, they'd know Micah. If this was, say, a band, they'd eat with me and watch TV with me occasionally or something, so they'd have a different perspective. Maybe they'd even be helping with Micah. But they don't, and even if they did it's not really fair to them to stick them with "the guy who sometimes walks out in the middle of a fight." More telling about myself is the realization that I don't want to be that guy, even if I enjoy the rest of the game.

So, I'm quitting for now. I'm sure another video game will come along and suck up my time. :-)

UPDATE: To share a related image:

My Two Sons

"his sky's an empty bottle and when he's drunk the ocean dry
well he sails off three sheets to some reckless wind
and his friends say, 'Ain't it awful'
and he says 'No, I think it's fine'" - Rich Mullins

Two pictures say all I'm thinking right now.

A Few Pictures More

"O’er all those wide extended plains shines one eternal day,
where God the Son forever reigns and scatters night away." -Samuel Stennett

Hopefully we'll be going home tomorrow, which means returning to work very soon for me. Probably not too many more pictures for a while. Thank you all for your love and support of us. Things are going very well.

Some of you have probably already noticed all these pictures come from the same album on our PicasaWeb page. It's likely that pictures will appear there before here, so if you're craving more Micah (grandparents, uncles, and aunts, I'm looking at you) you should probably check there even if we don't update here for a while.

A Fistful of Pictures

"How far did I travel til you let my life unravel back home to you?
How much did you give until I finally got a glimpse of what love can do?
How far, how much and just how long did you wait for me?" - Christine Dente

Here are a few more pictures of Micah and me. If it's a scary close up where I look a little like a frightening Conan O'Brian, those are me holding the camera at arm's length. If they look normal, Sharon took them from across the room.

Not too many pictures of Sharon with Micah yet. As those of you with children will know, hospital gowns don't always make for modest pictures. :-)

Micah Micah James James

"Help
He offers me that help,
did it all for free" - Lost and Found

Thank you for your congratulations, prayers, and concerns. Micah was out from under oxygen sometime between noon and 1:00 PM. I would be more specific, but time is a very nebulous concept to a newborn. Instead of hours, the world is divided into somewhat arbitrarily timed segments of:

• sleep
• nursing
• burping
• changing diapers

There was a nice break when Sharon's folks brought Asher up to meet Micah around 6:00ish. Asher kept commenting on how tiny the baby was and wanted to give him a kiss, which was very sweet.

No new pictures. They'd look the same as the other ones. But, I was amusing myself earlier looking at his baby pictures compared to Asher's.