The McCathern Family

Not All Government is Bad

2009-01-05T12:16:00.005-05:00

"there's a man going around taking names
and he decides who to free and who to blame
everybody won't be treated all the same...
whoever is unjust, let him be unjust still
whoever is righteous, let him be righteous still
whoever is filthy, let him be filthy still
listen to the words long written down when the man comes around"
-Johnny Cash, "The Man Comes Around"

There's an interesting piece in the New York Times from over the weekend written by Michael Lewis (author of Liar's Poker which I'm told is an excellent book by some people at Jump) and David Einhorn about the financial situation we find ourselves in here at the beginning of 2009. Go ahead and go read it; it's seven pages, so I'll wait.

(time passes...)

I'm not certain exactly how to fit this information into my world view. The point of the first half of the piece is basically that greed, while obviously necessary to the calamity we find ourselves in, isn't really the problem; we have set up a system where all of the incentives (even for the non-greedy) back short-term gains at the expense of long-term self-interest. It gives reasoned argument that Madoff's Ponzi scheme shouldn't have been a surprise, and in fact parallels the incentives that led to the creation of that scheme to the complete lunacy of the ratings issued by the credit agencies.

It's actually the second half of the article that makes for interesting reading, however, and illuminates the problem I have with the binding of the Evangelical Christian community to the Republican party. Let me explain.

The solutions outlined in the article are:

Stop making big regulatory decisions with long-term consequences based on their short-term effect on stock prices.
End the official status of the rating agencies.
Regulate credit-default swaps.
Impose new capital requirements on banks.
Close the revolving door between the S.E.C. and Wall Street.
But keep the door open the other way.

I'm not going to take the space and bore you with an analysis of each of the above, but 3 and 4 require either restructuring current government regulation or adding new government regulation. Just a few paragraphs before these solutions, the authors talk about how Sweden handled a similar crisis a few years ago that involved actually demanding the government take something in return for the money it flooded the market with. The notion that many markets connect regulate themselves well because they do not correctly evaluate long-term self-interest flies in the face of small government philosophy.

(As an aside: it is easy to set up straw men on either side of this, and I'm sure many will argue against this using Japan as their example given their extreme interest in the long-term and the subsequent marriage of government to business present in that country. Some of you probably already think that I'm arguing against straw men. "No one is saying all government is bad, Kurtis. You're just talking to hear yourself talk." Really? How many times did I hear Reagan's "Government is not the solution; government is the problem" quote during the election? And it's not new. Phil Graham said "Both the economic crisis and the moral crisis have their roots in the explosion of government" back in 1995!)

The problem I see is that small government conservatives aren't anarchists, but they seem to play that role because they don't seem to know (or care) what that role ought to be. The leadership vacuum left by the Bush administration means that no one is articulating one, and the lack of desire (or ability) to try to fill that vacuum means we don't even have a discussion.

I'm not saying it's stupid to be a Christian and a Republican. I'm saying it's stupid to believe a party is the right party to govern simply because of its stance on a handful of social issues. You are free to pick an auto mechanic who only believes in Quaker State oil so long as he actually knows how to fix your car. Right now I think the Republican party seems completely ill-equipped to actually govern, and nobody is stepping up to prove me wrong.

Lots of good conservative friends of mine (who know I still have conservative roots deep down inside) want to know why I voted for Obama. This, more than anything else is the reason. I want somebody who knows how to govern and believes government has a role. Will I agree with the role he assigns? Probably not completely, but at least I think he understands he has one. You shouldn't hire somebody to do a job they don't believe is necessary or that they disdain because they don't see its purpose.

I think the article's commentary on the Bush Treasury and Fed response to the crisis summarizes this well:

When you shout at people “be confident,” you shouldn’t expect them to be anything but terrified.

Peace on Earth

2008-12-24T22:15:00.004-05:00

"it covers us like rain
it washes and it stains"
-Andrew Peterson, "Love Enough"

A Merry Christmas to everyone. Hopefully you won't have a chance to read this until afterwards because you're with family.

As it turns out, I wrote the above on Christmas Eve then never got back to finish it until now. Levi and Noah drove up to Amarillo on Saturday and drove back today (Sunday) so we did get to see them, which was nice.

Also, dad's church let me play drums and piano today for their worship service, which is nice. It shouldn't surprise me, but I really do love playing music. I really do.

I go back to work on Wednesday, but I get Thursday off again, then the long dark tea time of the soul (sorry, Douglas Adams) also known as winter. But for now I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and got to see family.

Joy to the world; the Lord has come.

3 stories

2008-12-16T20:52:00.002-05:00

Last night as we were putting Asher to bed, he told us a story about a man whose curtains would not stay up in his window. Somehow, this morphed into his whole house falling down, "and do you know why? Because the Israelites needed to go in." He's been into the Jericho story lately (specifically the VeggieTales version), so this wasn't all that surprising. So then he talked about how God made the house fall down, so the Israelites could go in... and then, the best part. "And do you know what? God is a really big guy, so he makes REALLY BIG MESSES." I guess Jericho was a big mess, especially after they finished burning all the spoils of the city (not that Asher knows that part), but I'd never thought of it that way before...

Tonight at bedtime, Kurtis told him a story about some giraffes in a circus. And then when it was time for a lullaby, Asher told us, "I have a lullaby to sing tonight. It's from the Bible. It's called, "I will stay in the circus for a few days." And he reiterated that it's a lullaby from the Bible. (I think it might be in the Apocrypha, though.)

And finally, an example of how very socially aware Asher is becoming: At dinner, Asher announced he was done with dessert, and got down. A few minutes later, he came in and asked for a bite of Kurtis's cookie. Kurtis said "I thought you were done with dessert, Asher." Asher pondered this for a minute, and then said, "Um... well... I... um... but... um... I love you very very much!" His voice was the essence of innocence and sweetness. Incredible. Don't know where he learned it. :) (He got the bite of cookie.)

Anyway, my whole family is here (yay!), so I'll go rejoin them.

Family Goes to 11

2008-12-12T08:46:00.004-05:00

"sages, leave your contemplation
brighter visions beam afar
seek the great desire of nations
you have seen His natal star"
-James Montgomery, "Angels from the Realms of Glory"

Sharon's parents arrive in Grove City tonight (actually, they arrive in Pittsburgh and then we bring them here, which is still technically arriving to them but it always feels funny for the person driving them in to say it) and they're here through part of the 21st. Sharon's sister and brother-in-law arrive on the 16th, so our new house will finally be full. It should be fun.

On the 23rd we bail out of here and head to Amarillo to see my family until the 30th. I don't know exactly what my family's plans are, but I hoping that during that stretch we'll also get to see my brother and his wife and my nephews and nieces.

I'm glad for Christmas; it gives an opportunity for people to go reconnect with family even if they live far away. Obviously not everybody can, so this isn't to make you feel guilty if you can't. I'm just excited about seeing everybody and celebrating together. Neither of our families are perfect (whose are?) but they're fun and it should be a good time.

(If you don't know the title reference, by the way, watch Spinal Tap.)

Asher is, of course, way excited about everybody coming to his house (that Sharon and I live here and, you know, pay the mortgage doesn't seem to bother this notion in the least) and he's going to show them his toys and his TV and his bear and his blanket and his potty and so on. Obviously that part will wear off after everybody has been here for an hour, but then something else will happen that I bet will take the edge off:

Candy.

Everybody eats at Christmas. I used to not realize this, since the food is so spread out over time. At Thanksgiving, you stuff yourself until you feel like you're going to burst, and even though many people do that at Christmas, it's not really the focus of the holiday so you don't think about it as much. Christmas, on the other hand, already has candy from Asher's advent calendar and the cookies Sharon wanted to make and the divinity candy I wanted to make and the Christmas candy we're gonna buy and the additional cookies or pies or cakes we're gonna make while with family. It's a tidal wave of sugar, and Asher surfs it like a pro.

"The wedding guests can't mourn as long as the groom is with them, can they? But the time will come when the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast."
-Jesus speaking in Matthew 9:15 (ISV)

I'm sure it'll be a hard habit to deal with in January when we go back to normal eating, but right now it's fun, and isn't that what celebrations are about?

For our Christmas thought, a long passage:

"When the Gospel was first preached, Roman laughed at the idea of a God become flesh. Oh, sure, a god might have a little fling with a mortal woman and then disappear to better realms, but no real mixing, please. You know your side of the tracks, the gods know theirs. God become flesh — hilarious!

Instead of laughing, we've done a sleight of hand to turn the celebration of the Incarnation — presto chango — into Christmas. Into the hat we stuff a fleshly God; out pops tinsel, wrapping paper, photos of children with starry eyes. The incarnation? Hocus-pocus backwards — no, this is not my body, not my blood, God's very flesh tucked up my sleeve.

Dig under the stockings, credit card bills, Christmas concert programs. Pull of layers of carols, drifts of snow, a gingerbread house recipe and — oh, my God! What is it? A baby! Not a silent, glow-in-the-dark symbol of benign blessing on farm animals. The merconium, the squalling cries, the desperate need for warm breast, for eyes to search his; God is naked and not ashamed.

The feast of the Incarnation is the time to celebrate God weak, a day to dance to the descending scales of God's throwing off omniscience and omnipotence. We skirt past this powerful little pile of cast-off clothing. Like the magazine reflection of a starving boy's eyes, the bruises of an abused girl on the news — our eyes cannot adjust to this. We do not want this God, whose glory is so dim we strain to see it."
-Mary Ellen Ashcroft, "Dogspell"

Night of Christmas Music

2008-12-07T21:57:00.003-05:00

"she sang of things that pleased her soul
she questioned life and made it known
she stored her knowledge deep inside her mind"
-Michelle Tumes, "Life is Beautiful"

Sharon and I are home rushing to get weekend things done because we've spent so much extra time this weekend on stuff for the FCC Night of Christmas Music that was tonight. We played an arrangement of "I Saw Three Ships", and then I played a couple of songs ("Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen") with the two worship leaders of the church. It was a fun time, though as Sharon will tell you I was a basketcase right before and I messed up our piece a little (though it went well in practice, so I really can't complain too much.)

Asher sang in the Children's Choir, and oh dear was that cute. I promise pictures, but the intense look of concentration on his face for most of it is inexpressible. At his young age (3) he was watching the directors face the whole time, making sure he was singing right along with her, singing all the words right and everything. Very cute, if a little disturbing in its intensity. (Then again, I guess I just talked about being a basketcase right before, so I guess he comes by it honestly.)

Now we're set for a visit from Sharon's family followed by a visit to my family, so it'll be a busy last few weeks of the year. Sharon's got exams to give and grade, and I've still got a project to see through, but despite the amount of stuff to finish, there's only a limited number of days until 2009, so I'm sure it'll all get done and next year will start right on schedule.

I'm gonna add another part to my blog postings for the rest of Advent: small quotations or thoughts of other about Christmas. The Incarnation is the most powerful of Christian claims, and it deserves reflection from a number of angles.

"The Self-revealing of the Word is in every dimension: above, in creation; below, in the Incarnation; in the depth, in Hades; in the breadth, throughout the world. All things have been filled with the knowledge of God.

For this reason He did not offer the sacrifice on behalf of all immediately He came, for if He had surrendered His body to death and then raised it again at once He would have ceased to be an object of our senses. Instead of that, He stayed in His body and let Himself be seen in it, doing acts and giving signs which showed Him to be not only man, but also God the Word. There were thus two things which the Savior did for us by becoming Man. He banished death from us and made us anew; and, invisible and imperceptible as in Himself He is, He became visible through His works and revealed Himself as the Word of the Father, the Ruler and King of the whole creation."
-Athanasius: On the Incarnation (Translation by Sister Penelope Lawson)

Chance for the Chancers

2008-12-05T20:13:00.014-05:00

"everything's gonna be okay
He's gonna wipe those fears away
and before the night is through
this is all going to make sense to you"
-Poor Old Lu, "Chance for the Chancers"

Christmas is still a few weeks away, but already I'm tired of the "put the Christ back in Christmas!" chant.

It's not that I think it's a bad idea. On the contrary, like Paul I'd love nothing more than to see my countrymen come to faith in Jesus Christ. The fact that there are people in America that don't know the story of the Incarnation is surprising, and I'm all for efforts to try to change that.

But we live in Grove City, PA. It has spiritual issues to be sure, but I think you'd be awfully hard pressed to find somebody who doesn't know that Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ, regardless of their beliefs.

Trumpeting that cause here just seems like a way to increase the volume of the debate, and makes us look foolish: we claim a victim's stance when we, as American Christians, might be the most privileged, protected Christians in the world.

"Somehow or other, and with the best of intentions, we have shown the world the typical Christian in the likeness of a crashing and rather ill-natured bore — and this in the name of one who assuredly never bored a soul in those thirty-three years during which he passed through the world like a flame."
-Dorothy Sayers

Paradoxically, it might be that giving non-Christians space on this issue is the best way to improve their relationships with Christ. Share with them their Christmas and take an interest in their lives. Jesus spoke with authority, but I don't think that people would've come to him unless the expected him to actually listen to them. He gave the chancers the chance they needed.

The rich, young ruler story is instructive here: the man went away sorrowfully. People who get turned off by the "get rid of the X in X-mas" lobby don't go away sorrowfully. It is left as an exercise to the reader to ponder the difference.

Pride and Sin

2008-12-04T17:19:00.005-05:00

"why are you so downcast, O my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God
my Savior, my King
when nothing satisfies you hold my hand"
-Jennifer Knapp, "When Nothing Satisfies"

I had lunch today with Pastor David Harstine, the pastor of our new church here in Grove City. The conversation (like many I have) ranged all over without a focus, but over the course of it I was reminded how much my perception of Christianity and sin in particular have changed over the last ten years or so.

When I was young in the church, things were always explained in the most abstract cosmic terms or in very specific warnings. We seem to shy away from recognizing our true fallenness, casting it in grand (but ultimately unhelpful) Miltonian terms or harping on sins that are more infamous. I remember in college sitting down with a campus minister who asked me what I was really struggling with, and I said pride. He responded, "you're kidding, right? You can be real with me Kurtis."

Don't get me wrong, I have struggled with a lot of things in life. I'm not going to put the laundry list here; some of you know them and those that don't can play along for now. The problem is that, truthfully, what affects my life (and the life of those around me) more than the individual indulgences of wrongness I've engaged in is the source of those indulgences: a very ego-centric, prideful view of life.

I'm not unique; on the contrary, this problem is quite common. Increasingly, for instance, I notice that pride and ego is a major factor in many of the technological obstacles that my employers face. I'll go further: I'd say that pride and ego are central to most of the hard to solve problems I've seen in software development. I doubt any of you would take issue with the statement that a huge bulk of marriage issues are caused by thinking of ourselves as entitled to certain things. One could recast many of the issues argued about in this last campaign as a war between perceived entitlements and personal "rights".

It's not just our culture. Our condition is one of myopia; so shortsighted in fact that we hardly ever even see outside ourselves at all.

Obviously this is an oversimplification of sin to call it all pride, but I was reminded today of how many problems humanistic philosophy tries to solve merely by turning our focus from ourselves to our common humanity, or that political orientation tries to solve by turning our attention from ourselves onto country. It is amusing that despite radically different world views atheist and agnostic and religious can agree that it is we, as selfish individuals, that are our own worst problem.

At Hyde Park Alliance, Jim Smith preached a sermon series on the seven deadly sins. On reflecting and praying about them, Trilisa commented that all the sins were really gluttony (an over-indulgence in an appetite) and I responded that all the sins were really lust (and indulgence in forbidden desire). Or maybe it was the other way around. On further reflection, we really saw that all the sins are all the sins (every sin is a lie of some kind, every sin is a murder of something, every sin is an idolaty, every sin is a despondency) and so it shouldn't surprise me that the bent-ness of the world around me makes me reflect on sin and pride. Every sin is pride, too. And vanity.

Turns out there really is something to original sin.

"Surely I was sinful from birth, from the time my mother conceived me"
-Psalm 51:5

I think I can, I think I can....

2008-12-02T20:21:00.004-05:00

I started making this tree skirt 4 (maybe a bit more) years ago, at Trilisa's parents' house in the Chicago 'burbs. Then I didn't work on it for a few years, but now it's finally done! (Well, okay, I still have to do one hem and snip the extra thread off a few places... but it's within epsilon of being done.) I'm pretty proud of myself, even though I think Jeanne would die of shock if she saw some of the bad seams and so on... but I like it!

And Asher likes it too. He was worried we were going to put it over the whole tree, but when he found that it just went over the holder, he warmed up to the idea. This is his "smile, Asher!" smile. It looks just like his cousin's camera smile. But even with the weird grimace, he's a cutie.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Negotiations and Love Songs

2008-11-20T09:55:00.005-05:00

“two disappointed believers
two people playing the game
negotiations and love songs are often mistaken for one and the same.”
-Paul Simon, "Train in the Distance"

Nobody likes people that say "I told you so." Nonetheless: I told you so.

One debate topic back in high school (which, for me, was in *cough* 1990-1994) was about universal health care. It was a hot topic, and I was much more conservative then. One thing did bug me about my conservatism, though. It was the projections of what health care would cost American business if we remained largely insured by our employers and costs kept rising. They basically said American business would be unable to compete globally or insolvent (or both).

Now we're in the second round of bailouts. For some reason the media (even the New York Times, which should jump at the chance to point this out) are burying the simple connect-the-dots between the Big Three bailout and the lack of universal health coverage in the US. People outside the paper have had to do it for them (and who knew I'd ever be posting a link to analysis by Mitt Romney I'd be praising?) Today, a post on Timothy Egan's blog carries the story of an insolvent municipality, but buries their crazy health insurance coverage in paragraph 18!

And it is a simple connect-the-dots: other governments provide universal health care and can thus control their costs. The free lending of the mortgage boom was the finger that pushed the first domino, but frankly all the dominos are close together because of the shortsightedness of the American people to deal with their health care problem.

I love the free market for a lot of things, but I've come around since high school on this and told anybody who would sit still long enough to listen: we need universal health care. It's good for our health; it's good for the health industry; it's good for the competitiveness of American companies. Let's get over our strange flirtation with government provided health insurance through tax breaks to business and actually use the same money to provide universal health care.

Definitions

2008-11-18T20:04:00.001-05:00

Soccer. You know. "Sock" means sock, and "er" means ball.

That's why you play soccer with your socks. You don't play it with your feet. You play football with your feet... um... foots. Foot. You play football with your foot.

Pictures and Images

2008-11-10T11:47:00.004-05:00

"I'm caught in a crossfire between pride and fear
and my heart isn't bullet-proof...
I'm in pieces
think of something clever"
--Ginny Owens, "Pieces"

First off, Sharon promised a picture of Asher as Larry the Cucumber:

Many more recent Asher pictures can be found in the Asher in Grove City Album on our Picasa page.

And, before I ramble on about things that don't matter, something fun for musicians this holiday:

I'm headed back to Chicago for a whole week this time. I obviously don't want to be away from family for so long, but at the same time this promises to be the end of version 1.0 of the Jump archive, so I may be wrapping up an important milestone.

I've also gotten several emails about SAD, thank you to everybody who's taken the time to write.

Now, on to something truly important: TV. It appears NBC is pretty upset at the way "Heroes" has been going this season. I'm not truly surprised; when Sharon and I got sucked into "Heroes" its first season it benefited from snagging a huge portion of a Sorkin audience. The show wasn't as tight or fun as a Sorkin show, but it wasn't preachy or self-important like "Studio 60" and all the show's best qualities were on display against something that was struggling and failing. Now it's obvious the writers are comic book writers with all the good and bad that goes along with that, and with the sloppy plots and big jumps from what viewers were expecting (not just continuity breaks, but deliberate changes in intent of characters) the show has clearly lost its focus. Sharon and I are still watching it, but I at least feel like each episode is letting me down a little more.

"Chuck", on the other hand, has been wonderful this season. Faced with what is typically a show's death knell (the guy-girl relationship is made sorta possible) the show hasn't just thrown in the towel or turned into a rerun of itself. Instead, the writers seem to have grasped something that makes for really good television: theme and parody. The most recent episode was full of completely unbelievable points (really, Japan has a nuclear missle satellite in orbit that is controlled using a code available only if you beat the last level of Missile Command?) but the show manages theme and variation so well (especially as they tap geek subculture) that I just didn't care. It is caricature, but it's fun caricature, and even characters that seemed to exist only to be cardboard cutouts for the Chuck/Sarah story have been given room to breathe.

"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles", despite having already been picked up for the whole season, seems to also be losing its footing. My fear (and the fear of many on Television Without Pity) when the show began was "how are they gonna make this interesting without turning it in to 'Terminator of the Week'"? The answer: they aren't. Basically, this season has been a different Terminator every week. It's a shame, because there are tons and tons of ways to take the show that don't involve massive time travel, but I guess since they don't capitalize on the Terminator part of the francise they're out. Also, they (like every other SciFi show ever) are having problems not regressing their android characters. Summer Glau is doing great, but their bad guy Terminators seem to be having problems finding where to draw the line between "human behavior I can emulate" and "human behavor I can't understand", tending to side on whichever involves the least impact on the scene.

(There's a whole different discussion here on the use of Christian imagery and the Bible in that show, but let's just say I'm mostly buying it and Sharon mostly isn't. The line is where the use seems forced versus an interesting theme and variation model. Sharon's mostly annoyed and I'm mostly interested. They can definitely ruin it if they start trying to use the Christian imagery as more than theme/texture and start trying to actually tie in story to foretold events. If they stay away from that I'm okay, and most of Sharon's concern is, I think, that they'll head that direction, at least with the former FBI character.)

I watched the second episode of "Fringe" and dropped it. Too weird, not enough for me to care about. I watched "Alias": people seem to forget that before "Lost" people watched Abrams's shows because he knew how to do characters, not just weird stuff with online hints. I wanted to know stuff about Alias too, but only after I was watching it for Sydney Bristow and (more, honestly) SpyDaddy Bristow.

"House" is turning into a completely different show (less about medicine, more about characters) but with the exception of 13 I'm pretty into the characters, so this is an okay change for me. It had to happen eventually, since you just can't have that many crazy medical things that aren't completely absurd (and, basically, they'd gotten to the completely absurd point during most episodes last season, and I'm not even a doctor.)

The election is over so it's likely that SNL will soon not be worth watching again (I mean, there will be highlights, but that's what NBC.com is for) and that pretty much brings us up to the present. (We could talk about "The Amazing Race" but this post is too long already.)

I'll talk about more weighty stuff another day, but the quote probably gives a pretty good idea how I'm feeling this days.

Bomblets

2008-11-08T08:59:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a long time since I posted. As soon as I bother Kurtis to do it, or figure out for myself how to do it, there will be some pictures -- including the cutest Larry the Cucumber you ever did see.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers for my mom. She's recovering well, although her energy is still low. She's back home, and going to rehab 3 days a week. Unfortunately, there was anothe break-in/burglary at my folks' house -- this happened while they were helping us move in July, and now it's happened again. I am pretty worried about them -- their safety, since it's likely it was the same people both times, and their stress levels. And of course the burglars weren't satisfied with taking things; they had to dump over piles and empty drawers and throw things around, so now they have all that cleaning up to do, just when Mother is already tired, etc. So, things are going okay, but there's obviously plenty more to pray for.

Asher is growing and changing -- he's so capable in so many ways, that I almost don't notice it. But it really does strike me when we come across something he's not familiar with. This morning Kurtis and Asher made omelets, and while eating Asher kept saying "omelet" in many different, wrong ways. It's so seldom that he mispronounces anything that Kurtis and I were loving it! We miss cute mispronounciations. Anyway, in particular, he kept telling us that we had some egg bomblets to eat... would you like to share some of my embelopes? (pronounced like "om-be-lopes" It was a reminder of how much he's grown, and yet how young he still is.

Hobbesian Opaqueness

2008-10-20T16:10:00.004-04:00

"we stretch and retract, we come and we go
measuring actions and leaving alone
but my measure of truth is that I wander restless until you are close"
-Heather Styka

Thank you all so much for the emails and comments since my last couple of posts. I have to be a little oblique about things because I don't know who is potentially reading my blog. I know that a friend of mine got in trouble with his employer for posting his resume online, and I just don't want to cause a lot of stress at a time when I can't really take it. In fact, that little paragraph is probably a little much already.

Things are going much better now, though why I couldn't say, which is a little scary in its own right. One begins to wonder in these times why we cling to the myth that there is a singularity to a person that someone can get to know when inside we are full of such internal conflict. It's no wonder that our conceptions of each other, even the clearest ones, are so full of potential pain; we base our actions and relations on what we think are hints and clues to the psyche of others but which bear more resemblance to chaos.

It is in these moments (whether of clarity or obscurity I don't know) that I wonder exactly what it is to be known by God. I don't even know or understand myself all the time, and while I take comfort in feeling known by Sharon, if I don't even understand me from the inside how can her vision of me really be accurate? Does God see past the parts of me that are dying to see the "true me", or is it more complicated than that, like, God in His triune nature is better able to deal with the multiple warring factions within my mind and body in His knowledge of me?

If the latter, then I start to despair of ever really knowing what God (or anybody else) is like, because my faculties are so tuned to distillation and refinement: I sift and reject whatever is not simple in order to create a predictable theory of otherness.

All I can say is that thank God something so complex as salvation is not left to me.

"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."

Lamentations 3:21-23

2008-10-08T09:24:00.002-04:00

"and I'm praying that we will see
something there in between
then and there that exceeds all we can dream
so we can talk about it

and all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between"
- "So I thought", Flyleaf

The Confusion Sets In

2008-10-07T23:48:00.002-04:00

"confusion never stops
closing walls and ticking clocks...
come out upon my seas
cursed missed opportunities"
-"Clocks" by Coldplay

(Double references tonight. Name the band responsible for the title for bonus points, though it's pretty easy.)

This one should hopefully be pretty short. I have an open, non-rhetorical question that I hope isn't airing too much dirty laundry: how, in marriage, do you say you're sorry for something that you can't change? Corollary: how do you show your spouse that it isn't their fault either?

Sharon and I did a lot of thinking and praying before coming to Grove City. I knew any move would be both exciting and hard for me; working remote especially was gonna be rough. At the same time, a move was in order; it was not only what we thought was the will of God but I can see so many ways it is going to (and already is) working out great for us. But the weather starts to turn, and I haven't been able to make the friends I'll probably need, and the last few days have been especially rough. We both know what's ahead, and it will probably be better than our worst fears but still worse than our hopes.

I hate the next part.

Politics and Entertainment

2008-10-06T15:26:00.004-04:00

"Donna: Why are you a Republican?
Cliff: Because I hate poor people. I hate them, Donna. They're all so poor, and many of 'em talk funny, and don't have proper table manners... my father slaved away at the Fortune 500 company he inherited so that I could go to Choate, Brown and Harvard and see that this country isn't overrun by poor people and lesbians." --The West Wing

Pull up a chair for storytime, boys and girls.

Last night I watched this video a friend posted on her Facebook page. Turns out she meant to post this video. Watch a few seconds of each to realize they aren't the same video before continuing.

Now, Sharon and I have been talking about the amount of crap (read: utter distortions and falsehoods) being thrown around this election. I don't think we're denizens of policy, so when we recognize huge misrepresentations being thrown around surely that means that to real politicos this election must just be a whopper of spin. We saw the first video above last night before bed and thought it was really funny, because it is obviously so over the top that certainly it was meant to be funny (though, we've seen a number of email forwards with the same level of poise, so obviously it does hit home to some people.)

Today, I see this post on a blog of a new friend of ours here in Grove City. As you will see in my comment on said blog, I think he is referencing the first video posted above, when in reality he is referencing the second, and I say something over the top about propaganda. I was pretty upset, you see, because I thought he was taking the first video seriously, when in reality he was making the point that the first video was clearly produced to make fun of.

What is the moral of today's story, boys and girls (other than, of course, to always follow links and never do real work because if you don't watch the whole video there might be slaughter of innocent bunnies at the end!)? There is an unbelievable amount of crap in this election, and I think it's because both sides are very very scared of the opposition.

I'm not really sure how we got to this point. I've been friends with a lot of people pretty far to the right and pretty far to the left, and while I obviously have my preferences I don't think any candidate up for election is a terrorist or a Nazi or a bimbo or a normal middle class guy (Obama, McCain, Palin, and Biden, respectively - and yes, that last one was a joke). So can we please stop saying it and have an informed discussion?

So, anyway, I'm apologizing in detail over here on my blog (since a multi-page comment didn't seem to make sense) for misreading Warren, my new friend, about his post.

But it does open up the larger issue about why we care about what we care about in the political season. Warren's comment is telling: "If McCain was at the center of something like that, I would be just as creeped out and I suspect the McCain campaign would distance itself from it." I'll buy that, but why should it even matter much? People do creepy/strange/stupid things (yes, Warren mentions it was on the Obama website, but I doubt it would've been if people weren't looking for "feel good" reasons to vote anyway instead of hard facts.)

I think the reason it seems to matter (it certainly is for me when I admit it) is that politics actually is getting too complicated. I frequently read things in op-ed pieces that I later find out are just flat wrong or misrepresented: how many of the facts that I hold on to are actually opinions reached by oversimplification just to fit into a newspaper (or web) article?

Anyway, rather than offer you a bunch of cutting insight into a load of political issues (which I can't do) I'm gonna instead go to the other extreme. Here are the SNL appearences of McCain and Obama. (The Obama appearence isn't as funny, though the rest of the sketch mostly is. If you just want to see Obama say the famous line, skip to about the 4:45 mark. Also, I googled for that clip, and frankly the content on broadcaster.com is a little scary, so maybe don't look around too much. McCain's news editorial, on the other hand, is really quite funny.)

Numbers Matter

2008-09-24T11:21:00.004-04:00

No fun quote. No cute title.

As a follow up to my previous posting about the election, I simply must take some time to yell at the two news sources I recommended. Since they don't read this blog you can just interpret this as venting.

Many people in America simply do not understand basic math. It is import that you, as news sources, have a duty to report the facts, and if you report the facts such that a majority of Americans misunderstand them, you aren't doing your job.

For those confused: Congress has recently been debating a $700 billion authorization of the Treasury to purchase illiquid assets off of Wall Street balance sheets.

Two things are incredibly relevant here:

That number may go higher. This is bad news.

That number is not the amount of money the government will "be out". This is the good news and the part most people don't understand.

See the government isn't saying "here, have $700 billion." They're saying "here's $700 billion, give us (essentially) $700 billion dollars worth of mortgages."

According to David Loenhardt those mortgages are probably now valued (mathematically) at 75% of their original value. The problem right now is that because nobody is willing to buy, the few that are selling are selling for 25% of their original value.

You can see where I'm going with this. Most of these mortgages are going to be paid off. Even if several don't, a very large chunk of their original value will come through (thus the 75% estimate.) Even if Treasury paid 75 cents on the dollar for them (way higher than will likely happen) it is very very likely the US Government would break even. I can't say that enough: these mortgages still have value, and it is likely they have a great deal of value. But because there are no buyers right now they aren't selling: that's what illiquid means.

The government doesn't even need to pay 75 cents on the dollar, though. Most holders will probably sell for something much lower. (I'm gonna pull a number out of the air here and say... 50 cents on the dollar, becuase it makes the math easy.) Even if twice as many people foreclose as it looks like actually will, that kind of purchase would still let the government break even.

Now, will some bad things happen? Yes. But let's say the market is right, and they are really only worth 25 cents on the dollar and we buy at 50 cents on the dollar. That means out of our $700 billion, we'll only lose half: $350 billion. That's still a huge number, but is, for instance, lower than what we spent on the Iraq war last year (at $1 billion a day) so doesn't that make the number not seem like the apocalypse?

So, please, news organizations of America: please point out that we aren't buying worthless stuff for our $700 billion. This is a serious issue, worthy of serious discussion, but it's not what you're painting it to be.

Sorry for the lack of updates

2008-09-22T09:03:00.003-04:00

Mother's been "home" for about a week now -- she left the hospital on Saturday (9/13) and has been staying with Aunt BJ and Uncle Arnie. They're not technically related to us, but they've always been Aunt and Uncle to me (I'm told it's a Southern thing?) Anyway, Aunt BJ is the one who originally convinced Mother to head to the ER when she was having a heart attack -- for which I'm VERY thankful. And she's a nurse (a doctor nurse, actually -- PhD in nursing, and a prof at UT's nursing school now) and wanted to have Mother at her house for a while so she could help take care of her. I'm so thankful that she's doing this, and that Mother has so many close friends around her while Evie and I are far away.

Anyway, she went home on oxygen, but is gradually using less and less -- she's down to using it only when she sleeps and occasionally other times. They finally decided that the nerve that controls the left side of her diaphragm (frenic nerve?), which passes very close to the heart, had been damaged or just "frozen" during surgery, so basically the left side of her diaphragm is paralyzed. Most of the time, this repairs itself in 4 months to a year (!), but in any case there's nothing they can do but watch and wait. Her body may just adjust to only breathing on one side.

She's generally feeling pretty good, but could still use prayer for:

digestive health (she's having some troubles there, and it's making her very uncomfortable and frustrated)
less coughing, especially while lying down -- this seems to have improved in the last day or two, but it's still painful and annoying for her
increased energy and endurance every day, and eventually returning back to "normal" activity levels
that her MS wouldn't have an exacerbation (apparently it's not uncommon after major surgery, and also she's been off her usual MS meds because they didn't want the medicine interfering with her surgical recovery)

Thanks!

And now an update of another kind -- our friend Xiao died this weekend in hospice care. Please pray for Michelle and their kids -- Nathan (the older one) especially, since he is old enough to really understand that Daddy's dead. Michelle has visitation/funeral info on Xiao's care page (link to the right).

Think!

2008-09-19T15:04:00.007-04:00

"Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
Chris: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him. Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?" -Real Genius

Many of you know I cut my adolescent teeth in speech and debate, but I do (I think) an admirable job of not bringing up things on this blog that might be divisive among our friends. After all, you aren't here for political analysis; if you're like most of the populace you either already have your mind made up or you deliberately fence-sit because ultimately you aren't sure your opinion matters. You're here (probably) to see pictures of Asher or (less likely) because you're on Facebook and bored. (Or you're with the telemarketing industry... how y'all doin'?)

I'm not going to make an exception to this rule now, but I am going to talk about politics. Please please please for the love of whatever is important to you in your life, take this election seriously. Make your friends take it seriously too. Our candidates want, I think, to take this election seriously, but when every news cycle is dominated by pig quotes or kindergarten sex ed or poking fun at "drill, baby, drill" it's hard to get a message out. There's a lot of blame to be placed for this particular predicament, and while I have thoughts and opinions you won't see them here (see the above paragraph).

But, please take your job as a voter in a democracy seriously in these elections. The founders didn't believe in vast-unwashed masses taking a direct hand in their governance because they would always be underinformed, easily manipulated, or otherwise truly incapable of making the decisions necessary to good government. I agree with this, mostly because I often find myself in that very category.

James Madison wrote in Federalist 10:

Hence it is that such democracies have ever been spectacles of turbulence and contention; have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and have in general been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their deaths. Theoretic politicians, who have patronized this species of government, have erroneously supposed that by reducing mankind to a perfect equality in their political rights, they would, at the same time, be perfectly equalized and assimilated in their possessions, their opinions, and their passions.

(Before you go off ignoring the point I'm trying to make; yes, I know Madison is talking about pure democracies, arguing in favor of republic, which of course is the shape we have taken. But I think Madison would agree with me in our current state, especially since he is talking about the problem of faction in governance. Making the logical connections is left as an exercise to the reader, but they are there.)

Since, however, we find ourselves in such a mess as that described, whereby all of us, regardless of time, intention, or qualification are given exactly the same sway as every one else (electoral college considerations not withstanding) in the selection of our highest government official, let us vow (at least to ourselves) that this election season we will try our best to make a rational decision.

This will not be easy given the current news coverage. I'm thoroughly post-modern in my view that an objective source of news/debate is impossible to find. Let me therefore suggest that those of you on the left read (at least once a week) all the articles and editorials from that poor-hating, business-bedding rag called the Wall Street Journal, and those of you on the right read (at least once a week) all the articles and editorials from that hippie-infested, elitist-catering propaganda machine called the New York Times. (For extra credit, read an overseas source of news as well, although this will probably involve some financial outlay on your part. The Economist, Financial Times, and others all qualify.)

Most of you will know all the viewpoints discussed. Few, if any, issues you decide elections on will change in your mind. But at least you will be deciding this election based on something instead of nothing.

Both candidates for our highest office have deep convictions and political values that run both with and contrary to their party (again, despite the coverage). You will never know the wheres and hows of this, however, from 5 minutes of shouting by pundits or reading/listening/watching your one biased source of news.

While you're bemoaning the waste of time it seems to be, remember to be thankful for the blessing it is to be born in this country, where such an investigation is even possible.

Links

2008-09-11T12:24:00.001-04:00

After reading Sharon's recent update I realized that, based on email traffic, I think about a third of the people occasionally visiting this blog know us from Rice, and thus there is a good chance that you know John, Abby, Michelle, and Xiao.

So, I added their two blogs to the right side of the page. They're in the links section.

News, but also a reminder

2008-09-11T08:42:00.004-04:00

First, the update: Mom is in good spirits most of the time, and looks and sounds good, although she feels pretty bad -- she's coughing a lot, and that hurts her sternum every time. But the fluid/collapse situation is as before, and they're talking about trying steriods to reduce the inflamation (but they might mask any infection that starts) or going to surgery to put in a chest tube so she can drain constantly, in the hope that reduced fluid pressure, in combination with the breathing treatments, will help her expand her lungs. She also got more packed cells (red blood cells, so blood without the plasma) yesterday 'cause her count was down again. So please pray for:

coughing only as much as needed to clear her lungs, and less pain with that
continued energy to walk, talk, and so on
a good decision from the doctors about the fluid in her lungs
eventual (soon?) reinflation of all of her lung
that everything else would stay on track: blood count, blood pressure, heart working well, etc.

However, I was reminded this morning that however worried and sad I am about how well she's doing, she really is doing pretty well and there are many folks with many more problems. 2 couples we were friends with in college are going through some really hard times right now, and I'd appreciate your prayers for them too:

John and Abby lost their 16 month old son, James, a few weeks ago (late August). He had many medical problems, but seemed to be doing better, and I cannot imagine the emptiness they face each morning when they get up with no little boy to take care of.
Xiao has cancer with tumors in his brain; he's in the midst of chemo and radiation, but his body is so weak they can't do all they'd like. Right now he's lost the ability to walk and talk for the most part. Michelle is incredibly confident in God's ability and will to heal him, and it's inspiring to read. But I know it must be really scary for her and their kids, and also for Xiao.

(If you read this, know John, Abby, Xiao, and Michelle, and didn't know about this stuff, you can contact me and I'll get you more info.)

I gotta stop calling home.

2008-09-10T13:25:00.002-04:00

I keep getting bad news.

This morning there was more fluid in the lungs, and the air sacs are not opening at all with the new treatment. So, she went for a CAT scan, they saw where the fluid was, and drained another 600 ml. They're hoping that does the trick, but apparently there's really no more talk of going home soon -- this is a battle that must be won, and nobody thinks it's going to be quick anymore.

I got a kind of jumbled version of things -- mother and nurse talking, daddy relaying information to me -- but it also sounds like they may have done another x-ray after the drain procedure, and there was *still* fluid. Bah. Humbug.

I have no idea if anyone's even reading this, but if so -- please pray for her. I'm worried about her.

"Collapsed lung" is not as scary as it sounds...

2008-09-10T09:04:00.003-04:00

.... in this case at least. Usually that phrase refers to a pneumothorax, but that's not what Mother has. It seems she has atelectasis.

I talked to her last night, and she sounded good, and was in much better spirits, so that was nice to hear. She's now supposed to walk the halls five times a day, do deep breathing with a nebulizer twice a day, and have percussive massage at least once a day -- plus the usual twice daily physical therapy, the visits from doctors, and the frequent nurse and aide visits and procedures. So, she'll be busy! But they say if all goes well she could go home in 2 days or so.

Thank you for your prayers, and please keep praying!

And so it goes

2008-09-09T15:44:00.004-04:00

Well, she has some fluid back in her lungs.

And her left lung is now "partially collapsed". (maybe as a result of the procedure yesterday, but maybe not.)

This does not sound good to me, but I am told it's pretty common and they're not too worried. She's now doing breathing treatments with a nebulizer, and having percussive massage on her back at least once a day to loosen mucus in her lungs.

On the bright side, her nausea is mostly gone, and her pain, while more than before, is not too bad.

Please continue to pray. I don't like it when my mommy is sick, especially when I don't fully understand what's going on and can't be there to interrogate and nag the medical staff.

Just when I thought things were going well...

2008-09-08T19:28:00.002-04:00

The last post was based on information I had Sunday evening. Apparently, Sunday night/this morning Mother had some nausea and was sick -- several possible reasons have been suggested, but nobody really knows why -- and has felt bad all day, even though she had some anti-nausea medication.

Then, her doctor noticed more sounds of fluid in her lungs, and this evening she had an ultrasound to see how much was there. Turns out it was a lot, and they drained about 400 ml (a bit less than 2 cups). They use a big long needle with local anesthetic, and of course that's going to hurt more when the local wears off. She may be able to breathe a bit better, though.

Apparently this is a common problem after major surgery, and nothing to worry about. I am worried, though -- I feel like I left Austin at just the wrong time, and I should have been there to take care of her and help support her through this.

Anyway, please pray for:

less pain, both from the surgery and the draining procedure -- she can take more pain meds, but one of the nausea theories is that the narcotic is making her sick, so she doesn't want to take very much.
easier breathing and less need for oxygen, since the fluid is mostly gone. Also that the fluid doesn't build up again
energy to move around more - this will help the fluid situation, apparently
freedom from nausea and other digestive problems
good spirits -- this has understandably upset mother and she's feeling pretty down. "I'm supposed to be getting better!" She understands that setbacks are a part of recovery, but both these things in one day is pretty frustrating. Apparently, depression is common after heart surgery, so please pray that she will be protected from that.

Thanks.